Gosh I’ve got worries
No I haven’t but often I have.
I remember worrying once in my teens, I got some worries that I was so clever that I had to convince my parents, I had to convince my parents that I was a genius, and I was worried about it. It was December time and I had been doing councillint sessions, I still felt lonely and confused and I was determined to think that it wasn’t my fault or that there was something to blame (my mum told me once that I had a high IQ and it has served me so little over the years, more damaging than anything else….. also it was high IQ in something specific which I can’t remember, but it was extremely low in other sections). So I remember sitting at the kitchen table crying (which was genuine) and thinking of ways to make them see that I was smart, the Christmas tree was up and the best way I thought to look smart was to count all the Christmas tree lights (as if anyone cares!!!) to illustrate that I was able to hold a conversation and count something simultaneously, I couldn’t really count it and I remember my head having to move a lot fo keep up with the numbers (also I could only see one side of the tree so bulshit was it going to accurate) I remember counting these lights through teary eyes, they would twinkle, and expand and reduce as I moved my eyes up and down, I also have a short attention span so I was forgetting the numbers so much. Eventually after saying how sad I was I told them a random number, (pretty sure was around 64).
Can’t remember how we ended the chat, but wow can’t believe I would worry that I needed to seen as being clever/genius/whatever that much!
I remember worrying once in my teens, I got some worries that I was so clever that I had to convince my parents, I had to convince my parents that I was a genius, and I was worried about it. It was December time and I had been doing councillint sessions, I still felt lonely and confused and I was determined to think that it wasn’t my fault or that there was something to blame (my mum told me once that I had a high IQ and it has served me so little over the years, more damaging than anything else….. also it was high IQ in something specific which I can’t remember, but it was extremely low in other sections). So I remember sitting at the kitchen table crying (which was genuine) and thinking of ways to make them see that I was smart, the Christmas tree was up and the best way I thought to look smart was to count all the Christmas tree lights (as if anyone cares!!!) to illustrate that I was able to hold a conversation and count something simultaneously, I couldn’t really count it and I remember my head having to move a lot fo keep up with the numbers (also I could only see one side of the tree so bulshit was it going to accurate) I remember counting these lights through teary eyes, they would twinkle, and expand and reduce as I moved my eyes up and down, I also have a short attention span so I was forgetting the numbers so much. Eventually after saying how sad I was I told them a random number, (pretty sure was around 64).
Can’t remember how we ended the chat, but wow can’t believe I would worry that I needed to seen as being clever/genius/whatever that much!
