So I got this contemporary worry. And it’s coming out the more I am away from the studio, but being away from the studio is good atm. 
I worry that I’ll be lazy, I don’t think there’s much going on in my head, but there is this river of energy and unsettling-ness almost every day. Most of the time I have to ignore it or just dab my feet in the water because I can’t get to the studio or to a place where I can start to make anything. 
I guess when I haven’t got that thing there’s a blockage in my head. Like beavers building up a dam. Im not worries about the dam because I guess there is always a weak spot, I just worry that the dam will get too built up and it will settle. 
I worry that I will get lazy and switch off, I guess the this worry is a fault of the system we that I’ve been brought up in, in school it’s always moving into the next project, to learn more and get better to always improve.
My last 2 years since the pandemic have been the most productive I’ve ever had. Never have I ever made so many work!?!?!?!?!?!?! Not drinkinininininggggg!

Each year I’ve made about 2-3 works I actually like. Since the pandemic, every drawing/painted/ whatever you call it, has been kept, and most of them are strong, probs about 70%. I have still made things in between that are weaker but I don’t think badly on them.
But my recent experiences have forced my hand to not be active.
Creating a thought reservoir is really scary, because then they’ll be forgotten.